Roots AND Wings

I know when I say that I loved being pregnant people look at me like I've got a third boob on my face. But it's true! I loved everything about it. Even the puking, pimples, mood swings, silly cravings and sleepless nights and tired days. There was an afternoon I was laying in my bed in the middle of the day while my oldest love was taking his glorious afternoon nap and I remember thinking how I was so sick and I couldn't wait to be done puking and then that quickly turned to me crying thinking how I would never feel this sickness again. I was crazy, my hormones were flipping out on me! But come to find out that's just me! I have a constant push/pull burning up inside of me. Wanting to be free but having roots. Everytime I walk out of the door and leave my family behind I'm excited to get out by myself and listen to my music in the car, not worry about a diaper bag and if I remembered to bring snacks. But then I'm hit with a wall of missing my family and even tho I'm most likely doing something for ME I still have a sadness that I'm missing out. And guilt! It's always worse when my hubs is home with the kids. I feel like I'm missing out on quality family time.

I can rememeber being a young lady and wanting to live with my boyfriend but then when I finally "moved out" I would cry at night, just wishing to be at my childhood home. I made my hubs stay at my parents house every Christmas Eve until we had Max because I wasn't ready to not wake up there Christmas morning. I feel like it goes back to the same thing, roots AND wings! I wonder if we can have both??